fAlLiNG INtO inFINIty!

Adsorb If nOT absorb what opinions i HAVE to offer.:P

Note to self

Unapologetic
Klutz.
I'd be the awkward silence
 the shadow in the light.
That is where I am most comfortable
That is where I am most profound

I am the echoes that get lost in space
I may not keep up with time
I am the void..

Obnoxious
Paranoid
Obsessive
Pessimistic

But here I am
Waiting
Wanting
Wishing.

Wanderlust


4am
The night isn't over yet
The day hasn't begun

And here we are
waiting for the last train to appear

Endless conversations ...
some revelations
some absolutely meaningless ushers

Our topics constantly shifting
with our drifting minds trying to keep up with the
speed of the train.

Even the long pauses seem natural
Befitting even.

We traveled for miles
with no track of time
Traveled without any destination
and ended up getting lost eventually..

But i don't mind it
as long as we can travel for a bit more

Can we keep going on this road?
I don't know where it'll lead us to
But i enjoy the journey
This journey, with you.

For the love of drawing.


For all the Deathgods,shinigamis and reapers assembled together

(The tripster in me :Colours and Forms Series)

^had made this for a band's album art


Mad Hatter:What 'saucery'  is this?


Mosaic:Sludge,stoner,doom 




"One begins to read between
The pages of a look.
The sound of sleepy music,
And suddenly, you're hooked.
I saw you, I saw you,
Coming back to me."~jeff airplane

Because art imitates life.


Typo -ive


Spirals in delirium




Ergo Proxy going under


Gaara
"You see me now a veteran of a thousand psychic wars 
I've been living on the edge so long 
Where the winds of limbo roar 
And I'm young enough to look at 
And far too old to see 
All the scars are on the inside 
I'm not sure if there's anything left of me" ~Blue Oyster Cult


The mindless self-indulgent otaku

Okay I've taken a while(almost a year)to upload this post.yeah it took me forever to write this,majorly because I've been putting  it off for a while.
 I'm usually into television series of sorts but in the recent years I have taken an interest in animes and mangas(japanese/chinese/korean graphic novels basically) and can now say I am absolutely addicted to them strangely enough.I could go on and on about how Naruto changed my life,rather got me hooked to anime and the amazing lessons i got to learn from it(no,really there are some hidden morals)and let's face it,it brings a lot of positivity. However,if I had to list down ten of my favouriteanime/mangas so far..they would be (not quite in the order of favourites) listed down as follows.Webtoons seems to be a genre that i left out but i will write about that someday.
10.Bleach
For obvious reasons,the ever-so fascinating concept of shinigamis(deathgods),and soul society that protects the people from evil spirits and every other supernatural aspect of it.Infact this was the first time I came across the concept of shinigamis,and realised a lot of the supernatural animes have shinigamis and other death god equivalents

9.Autofocus
Not that i'm a sucker for shoujo(romance)mangas but this one really  caught my attention.The simple undertone of romance and never over the top.The subtlety in a strange infatuation that develops into mutual admiration.Can never really put it in a word but even so worth a read.
8.Vampire Girl




Vampire GirlOkay firstly don't go by the name,it has got hardly anything to do with the age old cliched vampire stories,the major plot infact revolves around a certain kind of "romance" and the irony that lies with the idea of karma and re-birth.This manga is really a masterpiece by Fujiwara kaoru.To me ,this manga is an admixture of the chaos theory and the domino effect,once a certain kind of external element is introduced,it sets in effect a series of events that be quite chaotic but eventually when pieced together ,makes sense.
Even the artwork is sketchy and has a gothic style to it which really is apt for the plot







7.Litchi Hikari Club

                                Litchi Hikari Club
This has got to be one of the most twisted,messed up,psychological thriller i've ever read (among mangas atleast).It could be ' The Clockwork Orange' of mangas.This transcended any idea i had of morals and principles and doesnt leave anything to your imagination.But even within its grotesque nature,it's quite a masterpiece.Its a comment on society and the perversity that exists within this framework.It questions one's very existence  and the artwork is very,very creepy.But i guess the author Furuya Usamaru has a penchant for creepy things.Which also brings me to my next favourite which also happens to be partly his work (because the original piece of literature is by osamu Dazai) called ningen shikkaku

6.Ningen Shikkaku(Alternative title:no longer human)
                                                       Front Cover

This is  supposedly a famous piece of post world war japanese literature by an author called Osamu Dazai.The reason i mention this piece is not because the story is extraordinary or anything but its about a man who is completely vanquished by his insecurities that he feels like a failure as a human being,and how he succumbs to his anguishes and wishes to just disappear from the face of the earth.It is as depressing as it sounds but there was so much honesty in what he felt,that it got me curious, to look up osamu dazai just to know what kind of experiences must it take to come up with such a kind of literary work.It was then that i could literally draw parallels ,from the book to the true events that took place in his life.An abusive childhood-alcoholism-string of affairs-multiple attempts at committing suicide-not even alone at that but double ,all of these against the backdrop of the world war.So even if we think that how can a man meagerly be burdened with issues that seem banal to us ,well think about the day and age,the times he was born in.i think this book particularly as mentioned somewhere i read,was written during the last days of his life,so it was a probable result of post traumatic stress disorder.All of his works are truly, projections of his state of mind in those phases but in fragments,i'd say this book could be as close as you can get to understanding osamu dazai as a person,it encompasses the agony of not being acknowledged or as he would put it 'qualified' to be human,in an autobiography of sorts.

5.Dr. Du Ming

                              13478837
I read this a long time ago.It is a Chinese graphic novel.For a fact i'm drawn to dark things,that appeals to me psychologically .As a result I loved the artwork as well the style of the narrative.The story keeps moving forward and in flashbacks,which maybe difficult to follow in the beginning but then it all makes sense.It starts of with a girl(who is the narrator's object of affection) ending her life.So the narrator tries to piece together what she might have gone through to take such a drastic step.Initially you just get a vivid image of her through the letters she writes to him but later as he reminisces about his encounters with her,there is a sense of clarity. The amazing thing is you never really get to know this woman who is shrouded with mystery,but only through the perceptions of the narrator,who obviously paints a very beautiful picture of her.

4.Elfen lied

                                
So Elfen lied ,like death note is unavoidable,when you are sucked into the realm of psychological thrillers and 'yandere' stuff as some may call it,you are bound to watch elfen lied at some point and like it.It quite reminded me of ghost in the shell trilogy and the entire cyberpunk oriented plots.But this anime is pretty gory,violent,definitely not for the weak hearted.Even though there isnt much to say about the plot as such,there is just a lot of destruction happening everywhere.But there are some animes in which you can just appreciate certain aspects of it,so well in this case i'd say i like the recurrence of the lilium music box theme .It essentially plays a major role so as to remind the main charactar who she really is/or who she once was.So everytime she went 'carrie' on people, terminating anyone(who gets in her way when she is enraged)this musicbox ,a token of the past that kept her cool.

3.Mirai nikki

                                  
This manga/anime is the epitome of yandere.Every character in this manga has his/or her own eccentricities.The plot has everything i dig,from the idea of time travel and parallel universes to a simple game of survival of the fittest.It is very crude and 'some'characters more than the others are plain sociopaths.There is absolutely no idea of normalcy in this psychotic plot whatsoever.Each and every character is gray and shrouded with a dark past ,each of them learn to manipulate and exploit the other in order to emerge victorious,losing their supposed innate sense of humanity.

2.So there was this phase when i liked animes/mangas with ninjas and assassins .I pretty much ended up watching every action related anime i could find,and ended up watching quite a few good ones actually-i like each of them for different reasons.One that id particularly mention is darker than black.Not only because i liked the action sequences but also the undefined/unspoken bond between the two main characters hei and yin.In the OVAs there were little instances you feel they were much more than partners that just assassinated people mindlessly but had a human side to them.
  

1.Death Note 



The character development,the background score,the pace of the plot everything was just about perfect.Although i cried and had withdrawal symptoms after the death of one of my favourite characters,after which honestly i thought it was a drag.The anime could've  just ended in 17 episodes but i kept watching anyway.There are particularly two things i liked about the plot,one being the twisted but brilliantly laid out mindplay between two people with their own sense of justice,which brings me to the next thing that i really loved,you never end up rooting for either of them until ofcourse one of them doesn't know where to draw the line between doing it for the general good and playing god which leads to a series of bad decision making on his part and by the end of it completely loses himself.So it really makes you think,when you have the power to do anything,what do you do with this insane amount of power,can it change you?a code that you live by and then one day you make principles that would be convenient to you,to justify your actions even when you have lost the basic sense of whats wrong and whats right,would that still make you righteous?

The faulty Time slip

I was looking for meandering experiences
something new

Then I came back to reality
Who am I
What have I been doing all these years
I've come to a standstill
unable to move forward

Unable to think
THINK.
NO it isn't working
All that felt important,
is losing its significance.

Still basking on my past glories
Too paranoid to move ahead.

What was it that I desired,again?!
I'm forgetting.
FORGOTTEN.

See how time messes with my brain
It's leaving me behind mercilessly!

I'm trapped in this warped illusion
I can't see what is ahead of me,I don't know what i've left behind.


I'm stuck in this faulty time slip
Back to square one.

I was looking for meandering experiences
something new..
                               -sre

A Eulogy

A eulogy.


I cannot cry.
cannot make a sound.
In disarray I am
Hollow.

Too afraid to emote
vulnerable to agony


An empty shell
detached.
When words fail me
The expressionless,cold self takes over
I'm in chaos.

I feel the cold stares of the people around me
dressed in black for this solemn occasion
Lying in front of me is my soul
The hollow empty shell

For my soul that rests so peacefully on the ground
This is my eulogy.

                              -sre

Shroud of frost

Estranged
Beautiful,nostalgic
A dilapidated home.
Weary of its belongings
Like the leaves of a wilting tree
Unearthed
Stoic
Frozen
An upheaval of emotions
And yet..hollow
What is this place?!
that cannot be reminiscent of its past glories?
A distant warm memory
That now lies in a shroud of frost
 


                                                                      -sre

Triviality

(not the usual kind of poetry i end up writing,was in dire need of writing nevertheless.)

Dark blue spreads across the sky
For the dispersion of light,
I simply await.
I'm truly mystified
Always looking for directions to run
but those exit signs never come
The light seems uneasy now
Have I wished for something
whose beauty now becomes a burden?
Knowing you,is all I ever wanted.
YOU!fascinate me
Inspire me
Absurd yet
You will never know me
Ironical yet.
You will never notice....
This,the shallow waters dissapoint me
Even trying seems insignificant .
Don't come too close for it makes me vulnerable
Don't even try,for I may self destruct.
Now,the time has passed by
the pain slowly fades away
tears dry up
As the circumstances change..
I unfurl
I've discovered things about myself
And as I say this,I still have an unrelenting desire
to see you feel the void.
Because even though you have changed me
For the better or the worse ..it is  nothing but trivial

And you are a condition of it.

                                                                                                                                              -sreya.rnb

The End of the Day

 

Picture 83 

Two years ago i came across this french poet who’s works are very similar to the likes of Edgar Allan Poe,Sir Arthur Rimbaud.I was so fascinated(still am) by his works that i ended up writing one of his french poems translated into english at the back of a book cover 2yrs back:D.And even though i feel i should have written this post earlier(one of his works),..I feel its aptness now.

 

The End of the Day(originally written in french)

Under a bleak white light she runs, dances and writhes without reason – Life, shameless and shrill.

And so, as soon as on the horizon

Voluptuous night rises, calming everything, even hunger, blotting out everything, even shame, the Poet says to himself, ‘At last!

‘My spirit, like my spine, ardently prays for rest;

with a heart full of funeral dreams,

‘I shall lie down on my back and roll myself up in your curtains,

o refreshing darkness!’

Charles Baudelaire

The Apocalypse within

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There is the perpetual conflict with the intellect.We are always curious about what we don't know,however mindless  and irrelevant that might be.Why is that?When something just ends abruptly ,we try to figure why?,maybe its best that we stay in the dark,but well it bothers me,distracts me even.We cannot stop judging people,what can we do,it is indeed inborn.We are bound by something that makes us and breaks us,defines us ,disciplines us,helps us discriminate the right from wrong?!..the society

And yet we find ourselves broken,greedy,envious,twisted,complicated,and well..curious about things which could possibly be beyond us.There is no stand i take,but it is just the perplexities that i will never be able to decipher .Does that annoy me?very much so.Because i fear one day i might lose myself in this labyrinth while on my mission to quench my thirst for answers.As  we lay in this perpetual state of being mystified,we peek  through a window,from the outside rather than the other way round which ironically we call ‘observation’ rather than fulfilling our constant need to satisfy our curious selves-a euphemism for being judgmental and intrusive..

Those lucid moments ..
that create moments of stillness that we want to hold onto
and all we are left with at the end ..
are specks of dust and echoes
 echoes that reverberate in the empty skies in which we try to find meaning
and warmth
and finally ascend to a realm of oblivion..

Dark Tranquility

 

In the silence..
As the crimson sun rose
She sat,gazing out of her window
She had an imperious desire for solitude
Invoking the dark clouds to explode
But the Gods had no mercy on her
as they sadistically watched her fall apart
They judged her,mocked her,shattering her will power..
While she strived to find the pieces and put them together
You could see her struggle as she fought the melancholy in her eyes.
She immersed herself in a sea of desolation
Only to find a murk
A murk so deep and infinite
That the vastness consumed her
It brought her at last...
tranquility

                                                                                                                                                 -sreya

an attempt to Animate.

girl freed

She was lured into the darkness..to break-free…

Some more Art.

dodlegirl

 

metamorphed

PAint it!

okay so i’m new at sketching on a computer software,so tried my  luck anyway.I was doing a project,editing imgs ,when suddenly my mind drifted away and i had to sketch:)
270017_10150657862645214_865780213_19367480_5807936_n Okay so the above image was an experiment to sketch death(as personified)’s shadow in a graphic novel style,i hope to get better at it :D

Acqua let me introduce you to the soothing,calm but unforgiving sea creature-Ac Qua
all
Above:all thing WHITE and wonderful?!

Copy of ulqiora
my image of ulquiorra <3 yes,from bleach :)
DAVID GILMOUR1 this was the first pen and ink rendering i tried on david gilmour:)
one of the newer ones...
the time traveller transiting from the primary to the tangential Universe....

The Art of being RANDOM

Sometimes you might just be lost when two people are having a conversation which makes no sense to you,trust me..it is NOT supposed to make sense.Welli’m one of the ‘lost’ people but i am still learning:p

So here are certain things i have observed and would love to list down which well,could be your ‘key to being random’

1)your sentences should be short,preferably stick to one word.

2)your sentence(word)must end with a punctuation,no not comma but a .

yes.

3)you and the the person you are talking to,must at all times talk about two completely unrelated topics.

4)corollary:unless you both are playing the ‘word connect’game

5)At no point must you question what the other person said even though it makes absolutely no sense at all,you have to just go with the flow.

eg.A says:sky

Bsays:blue.

A replies:i don’t like

B says:your hair.

(so you get it,don’t you?)

6)for emphasis a full stop OR a smiley like O.O,>.>,:@ is acceptable

7)most of the time when you have to speak random with a person(yes i just said SPEAK RANDOM>who knows tomorrow it’ll be a term mentioned in the dictionary!),especially random comebacks,you have to say something equally or more ridiculously random/non sensical to be err..epic.

8)always keep in mind,you must say things absolutely futile and irrelevant

9)Soon,when everyone starts speaking random”oohh,i’m a flying pig”

                                                              “you are such a chewing gum”

sentences will soon be restricted to a string of max 4 words to being absolutely redundant.

:)so bye now.must go now.justin beiber has beautiful hair.

Killing in the name OF?

I’m probably the last person to be interested in politics,our government and everything related to it ,that is not denying the fact that what happens around us repeatedly,over and over again,affects me..So much so that i am provoked to write about it!


Today,13th July,2011 there was a series of 3 bomb blasts in the city.And THIS is NOT the first time….Something like a Lok pal bill which this country really badly needs to have in place ,simply cannot be passed!Is our country supposedly secular,sovereign blah blah one slipping away?Zaveri bazaar which is one of the major landmarks of the city has been targeted around three times already?..And THAT doesn’t give any clue to the cops?!It’s very frustrating when we just let people come and tear the city apart!Even when we say we must fight against terrorism,where do we start?Shouldn’t we pin point the corrupt politician and overthrow them first!It’s their sense of generousity that has sheltered and protected the ones who have disrupted the peace of this very city.They are supposedly the voice of the people,so where does this voice dissapear?!


Scared we are but not paranoid enough to see changes,changes that would stop such instances!We are always ready to merge religion with politics,it’s laughable since ultimately it’s got nothing to do with religion but how it’s a trump card often played to create diversions!



“I can’t see tomorrow


for today was disrupted by darkness


I strived to find my way through it


but my own kind pulled me down.


If only i could see tomorrow


If only the blurr was gone..


‘oh,why do you pull me down?


I am Not the enemy’


A blank stare is all he could give


for he had no answers and he shall never have


guilt will take over him one day


certainly,one day.”


-sreya

An Ode to thee,megalomaniac.

 

Oh,how high you soar!
So full of might!


While men of your kind despise you
Your flatterers ready to kiss thy feet!

inflated with your own little pride
Such unfathomable narcissism.

bravo!to your fine disguise.

what if I cut off both of those wings
Would your feet ever reach the ground?
Could you  ever be human?
Would you ever care to step down....

                                                                                                           -sreya

The Darkest Moon

Today didn't seem like the other days.Today was cold,dark yet hopeful.It wasn't like I walked for a thousand miles but i was breathing which gave me a little hope.Even in the darkness,i felt so bare.The darkness hid nothing,nothing at all.'I 'couldn't be kept a secret anymore."So,we meet again"she said.She was too sure of herself.This time she wasn't going to keep mum.To her I was nothing but a dead weakling.She failed to see what made me this way.I was compelled,but a part of me needed her,I' was nothing,absolutely nothing without her....Or so I thought."Why are you here?,I don’t need you”I conformed unwillingly.She looked at me with a wide smile as though i  gave myself away,or did i?"’tis funny you say that,you sound like me…Admit it, YOU are nothing without I(me).”It was true after all,she makes me stand,she let’s me fall,her actions makes me high and her irrational decisions sometimes causes immense pain and anger.But evading her will solve nothing.”you have no choice but to embrace me,because……. I am your thoughts,I am your subconscious mind,I am your ‘inner’self,I am You”.

The moon seems the darkest today,a tinted gray……the world seemed derranged to me as i let my shadow enwrap me..bound to her i am ..for eternity.

consciousness of thought.

Benumbed i am

in this world of hate

i have no place,i am nothing.

But a shadow

which disappears in light.

what lay betwixt you and me

has faded out..

Maybe I was disillusioned

Maybe you’re just a ghost

a phantom.

so spare me this pain you burden me with

enough with this labyrinthine

let me be

set me free.

                   -sreya

Copy of Image0282

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